Eggos Are So Last Season: 3 Brand Predictions for Stranger Things 2

It’s November 6th, 1983, in Hawkins, Indiana.

Some lab dude is getting inexplicably eaten by a faceless monster. Lights are blinking. Sounds are happening. Aaaaaaand...cue the intro music and floaty red letters.

Welcome to arguably the best 80s show made post Y2K.

Perhaps you’re like me, and have watched it too many times. Or perhaps you’re crazy and have never seen it. Or heard of Netflix.

If you’re the latter, consider this a PSA.

If you ever daydreamed of being a Goonie and playing piano bones to open mysterious passages, “Stranger Things” is for you.

If you ever watched Poltergeist and wondered what happened to Carol Anne after she got sucked in the closet, “Stranger Things” is for you.

And if you ever wagged your finger at “youngsters” preaching about the good old days of bicycles and walkie-talkies, then “Stranger Things” is most definitely for you, my friend.

Here’s a brief recap of all this awesomeness (per the interwebs) you’ve missed out on:

People LOVE Barb. Or they hate her. There’s zero middle ground.

Steve’s hair should have its own show.

You’ll finally understand a science thing because of paper plates.

Nosebleeds are freakin’ cool.

And mornings are for coffee and contemplation.

But most importantly...Eggos are the food of SUPERHEROES.

So how did this frozen, old school, boring-ass breakfast brand make a mighty comeback? (I’ll give you a hint. It wasn’t their recipe board on Pinterest.) Much like E.T. and his beloved Reese’s Pieces, Eggo struck product placement gold.

Now that Eggo has completely dominated the breakfast food/robbing a grocery store category, who else can we expect to ‘go for the win’ with product placement this season? Let’s take a trip down memory lane with some predictions for back-in-the-day products we’ll see in Season 2:

It’s the fall of 1984.

We open on a scene inside a car, with Bob Seger’s “Old Time Rock and Roll” blaring from the cassette deck. Pan out to reveal none other than Steve Harrington, singing along — his hair flawlessly blowing in the wind of his rolled-down station wagon window. And, as he and his passenger Nancy pull in the parking lot of Hawkins High School, we see him release her hand and reach for (drumroll please...)

Duh. Steve HAIRington’s hair doesn’t exist without some magic elixir that makes it do all those wonderfully wavy things. Not only do I predict a huge (well-paid-for) product shot, I definitely see some Nancy fingers running through his locks — showing us just how well it works. How better to recognize the cult following that this head of hair has garnered?

And what better underdog brand than the ever-80’s Finesse? Since we know Steve Harrington isn’t a mainstream — i.e. Revlon, L’Oreal — kinda guy (after all, he IS dating nerdy Nancy Wheeler), we know he’d go with just such a brand.

Way to go, Steve Harrington. You and your hair continue to win. And, if you do happen to get upside-downed this season — please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, protect your ‘do.

Next stop on our list of predictions comes from Nancy and Mike’s Dad. His name is Ted, btw. (I’ve seen this show 30 times and still had to look that up.) And despite his utter cluelessness about life (and the fact that he’s been about as useful to his family as a piece of furniture), we’ve grown to love his family “derps.”

Cut to the Wheeler family home. We’re mid-season at this point, so you know some Demogorgon shit has already gone down. Mr. Wheeler is posted up (appropriately) in his La-Z-Boy, while the world is literally caving in around him. But much to his chagrin, the TV isn’t getting good reception. Which 80s filmmaster has bewitched Mr. Wheeler into, yet again, becoming “background Dad”?

Not only are the Duffer Brothers known S.K. fans, even their famous “Stranger Things” font was inspired by his book covers. How could they ever do Season 2 without paying another “Stranger Things” homage to one of the great minds that inspired it?

While there are several good titles to choose from here, my money’s on Cujo. Because the only thing scarier than a faceless monster who steals children is man’s best friend gone rogue — and with its 1983 release, the timing is perfect for it to finally be debuting on Mr. Wheeler’s dud of a TV.

So, here’s to Netflix’s most “meh” Dad. We look forward to your antenna-adjusting and TV-bopping this season, while your son is busy saving Hawkins.

And last on the list of to-be-seen products comes from the girl who stole the show last season — the one and only, Eleven.

We saw lots of products last season. And with a majority of them being food (Sun-Maid raisins, Mrs. Butterworth’s, Ritz, Pringles, Smarties, Bazooka, PEZ, Nilla and Nutty Bars, to name a few), what Season 2 needs — what El needs — is something...fun.

Cut to Eleven’s sheet fort in the Wheeler home, where she’s been crashing ever since reuniting with the gang in episode one. No longer in her dress and tube socks, but dressed in Nancy’s hand-me-down jeans and tee, we see her perusing through the plethora of toys the basement has to offer. One in particular tickles her fancy — and we’ll soon see how it becomes much more than just a toy.

Not only do we see El create some colored peg masterpieces, the gang soon realizes it’s a way to connect with the Upside Down. And, much like Joyce’s alphabet wall, they’ll use it to speak to whatever poor soul has gotten sucked in this time — making this outdated, yet magically nostalgic brand the product placement winner of Season 2.

So tonight, while the rest of the world is eating Eggos on their couch, binge watching (and screaming at their TVs “YES, NETFLIX, I’M STILL WATCHING, GOD!”), you better believe I’ll be doing the same. Not just to see which brands really do make appearances on “Stranger Things 2” — but also because, if I don’t see Mike and Eleven go to the Snow Ball, Netflix is dead to me.